Jump
Today I have a little gifty for you that you may enjoy. ^.^ I got a random urge to write a little ficlet and I went through with it. I ended up with this little bit I thought I'd share with you all.

Jump by ely_kit
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, Shounen-ai, Implied Adult Situations
Notes: This story is Damaen-centric though includes bits of Charon and Tetsu in it. It takes place six months before this comic starts and Damaen is a human in it. (He was turned into a vampire only like a week a before this comic pick ups). It's just an angsty little ficlet that I got the urge to write at 12am. x_x Enjoy!

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He would never ever stop. The pain would be everlasting. I meant nothing to him other than a source of pleasure. I didn’t want my body to be reduced to such disgusting acts as its only purpose for being. But he wouldn’t stop raping me.

Six months. I had been with Tetsu for six months, not of my own choice. I would leave if I could. But I couldn’t. I was so weak. I only still existed because of Charon. He comforted me every time Tetsu raped me and he fended the other vampires off. I was the only human in this dwelling and all the vampires viewed me as food. Whenever one was particular deprived of blood, I was the emergency supply.

This particular day I had woken up in Tetsu’s bed, my whole body laced with pain as a reminder of the previous nights activities. I hadn’t fought him. I just let him do what he wanted to me, but he was still rough. It still had hurt.

I had gotten out of the bed and went to the back where there was a small kitchen. I tried to force down some food but just vomited it back up. I was a horrible eater to begin with and becoming Tetsu’s pet didn’t help.

I didn’t feel like facing Charon. Sometimes his comfort was not enough and I’d rather do without and just wallow in my own pity. He was probably chasing a moth anyways. Slowly I climbed the stairs to the bell tower. One by one, each step higher then the other, leading me onward till I reached the plateau where the large bronze bell hung from a secure rope, rusting and unused.

It was cold out, but then it was never very warm in this land without a sun. I had left my coat downstairs and wore leather bondage pants with a blue shirt that was long sleeved, though cut out on the shoulders. The shirt barely covered my stomach. I hated the clothing but Tetsu made me wear what he wanted me to wear. I felt like a slut. He knew and didn’t care.

Carefully I held on to the side of the large window in the bell tower and looked out over the land. What clearly was once beautiful was left in ruins. Buildings were completely wasted and probably housed some pathetic vampires or humans brought here simply for game to amuse the vampires.

Every time I came up here I clearly noticed how high I was; how dangerously high I was. If I fell I would surely die. If I died, the pain would be over. This time, as I looked over the land, contemplating these thoughts, I choked on a sob. How had my life ended up like this? If I had known certain things would happen I would never have come to this cursed planet. I would never have ended up like this. I would be happy and with my friends that had been murdered so brutally six excruciating months ago.

Gradually I found myself moving ever so closer to the edge, contemplating the thought that permeated all thoughts recently. Just one act and it would end. Slowly I pulled the sleeve of my shirt up and looked at the scars that marred my wrist. They were scars I had created. Many came from long ago when I was an angsty teen without the knowledge of how to handle emotional pain. Now I was a pet used for the pleasure and amusement of one cruel individual. I had started cutting more. It somehow numbed the pain to create more pain. I don’t know how, it just did. And each time I cut I would pray that I hit the vein I was so afraid to hit. And each time I didn’t. Tetsu knew what I was doing…he didn’t stop it. Either he didn’t care or knew I was too afraid to go through with it fully.

And I was afraid. I was afraid of death as much as I was afraid of life. Despite how much I wanted to end the pain of life, I was afraid of beginning a possibly new pain of death. Slowly I stepped back from the precipice. Washing away images of me taking that leaped I didn’t dare take. Falling into the abyss and leaving this wretched place forever.

No. I would stay and I would sit on the ledge for hours cursing myself for being a coward, for not being able to fight Tetsu and having to give in to what he wanted of me. I felt so dirty and useless and lost. I wanted so desperately to be found--to be saved.

Lost in these thoughts I barely noticed when someone wrapped his arms around me and held me in a loving embrace. Slowly I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes. His touch was comforting, a reassurance that I wasn’t so dirty…an affirmation that I was worth something. And suddenly, I remembered why I never ever jumped. Charon.

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Thanks eag for proofreading and comments are welcome.